woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
