You really coming over, don't trick.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
