I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
