She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
