He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
