how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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