my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
