If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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