hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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