I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
