I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
