I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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