Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
