Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
