Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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