hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Randomize
