remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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