She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
