im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
