You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
