I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
