Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The air was thick with penises
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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