dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
