Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
