He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
