I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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