Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the day after is always just damage control
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
