seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
