I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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