They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
