Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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