not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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