hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
