my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
