The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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