nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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