Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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