You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
