you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
