you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
