Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
They have beer where we have blood.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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