ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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