Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
