They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
