Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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