? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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