I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
