my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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