so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my shit smells like andre
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
