I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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