i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
